| So it goes |
[Apr. 13th, 2007|01:51 pm] |
Kurt Vonnegut passed away a few days ago. I was surprised at how much the news affected me. I suppose that one reason is because I've become desensitized to celebrity news. I can only take so much information about Anna Nicole Smith's 'baby daddy', Britney Spears' bald head/crotch or Linsay Lohan's drinking before my brain liquifies into some sort of superfluid and leaks out of my cranium.
The other reason is because I realized that Vonnegut was one of the few people that I truly looked up to. If someone was to ask me who my hero was, I'd probably say 'my parents'. There is truth to that answer as I do think my parents did a good job raising me and providing for me, but I do have to admit that my parents had little to do with my career choice or the way I view the world.
When I was in high school, I became interested in some of the icons of rock (particularly John Lennon and Jim Morrison). However, while I found them interesting, I also recognized many faults they had, so I can't say that I fully considered them to be heroes. Even as I became more interested in physics, I never viewed Einstein as the kind of person I wanted to be like; I just thought he was a brilliant physicist. Vonnegut was one of the only people whose viewpoints I agreed with (at a time when I wasn't aware of many people that thought like I did) and seemed like a decent person. If I were to read his novels right now, I doubt that they would resonate the way they did when I was in high school and college. Also, I would say that his place as a 'hero' of mine has been supplanted by Richard Feynman. Despite that, I can still say that Vonnegut was at one time one of my biggest influences and one of the very few that was alive when I discovered him. I was even fortunate enough to hear him speak when he spoke at Colgate a few years ago. Oh and he was in Rodney Dangerfield's "Back to School", so that's +20 awesome points.
So his death allowed me to remember my teenage years and how his works influenced the way I felt about the world and even the way I wrote. I've never been a 'writer', but I do remember writing papers for AP English and using wild, imaginative styles that were inspired by Vonnegut and his propensity to write differently (for example: telling you exactly how the story was going to end in the first chapter). To my teacher's credit, she always seemed to like it any time I'd stray from the cookie cutter way of writing a literary analysis paper. It's too bad that I never had any talent or inclination for writing.
I don't know if I'll ever find an author that will speak to me the way that he did when I was younger, and that makes me sad. |
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| wondering |
[Dec. 19th, 2006|04:38 pm] |
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Do Christian parents that forbid their kids from reading Harry Potter encourage their children to believe in Santa Claus? |
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| Dear South-Eastern Virginia, |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|01:13 pm] |
Your weathermen seem to be under the impression that temperatures in the upper 70s and lower 80s constitute 'perfect' fall weather. They are wrong, that is perfect summer weather. Also, fall foliage ≠ brown leaves. While I'm discussing weather let me also add that a dusting of snow isn't something to 'tease' for the 11 o'clock news and 1-3 inches of snow isn't a reason to ransack the grocery stores, close the town down or let your car slip and slide all over the road.
Thank you,
A Transplanted New Englander |
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| Youtubery Goodness |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|12:13 am] |
I don't have much to talk about right now so I thought I'd share (for all 3 of you on my friends list) some Youtube videos that remind me of my childhood.
( Click here to click there ) |
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| She Blinded Me with Science |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|11:02 am] |
Carl Sagan begins The Demon Haunted World with an anecdote about his encounter with a cab driver. The cab driver, upon learning that Sagan is "that scientist guy", begins to ask Carl many questions about the nature of the world around him. To Sagan's dismay, the questions touch on the subjects of aliens, astrology, crystals and other metaphysical topics. The cab driver is interested in the world around him, but his interest is "misguided", or so say us scientists.
( If you've been following the news you probably know where this is going ) |
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| Damn you, Bill Buckner |
[Mar. 10th, 2006|11:27 pm] |
This week Marissa has been in Boulder looking at the University of Colorado. She was very pleased with what she saw, so of course today I received a rejection letter from Colorado. I'm a little shocked right now. I did expect this based on how late into the application process it had gotten without hearing an acceptance, but I'm still a little upset because, though my grades might not have been the best, I've shown that I can be a PhD student. Shouldn't that make me more qualified than most of the students fresh out of undergrad? I've wanted to cry all day, but I haven't been able to. This process has been very emotional and I need that release.
So we have a very difficult decision ahead of us. I've thought (and will still consider) leaving my program here and moving out to Colorado, perhaps to reapply next year. However, I'm starting to think that might not be the best idea. I'm so close to finishing right now that I'd really just like to plow through and get my degree. Earning the PhD is important to me, even if I decide to take a career where it isn't really necessary; it's just something that I want. There are still a few other options, though they don't look promising right now. I still haven't heard from Arizona, but Marissa hasn't heard back after her interview, so we both may be rejected there. I've been accepted to K-State, but they have a smallish stipend, so with all of the other negatives associated with Kansas, the financial strain caused by the commute is just another nail in the coffin. I suppose there is still Tennessee, if Marissa ever hears from them, but even that has uncertainty as neither of us knows if the labs we are interested in have any openings.
So it looks like each of us is going to have to weigh the relationship (for a few years, anyway) against a career. It sucks so much that we have to make a decision like that. It took me years to find Marissa and now she might go away and it was a struggle to get where I am in academia right now, and I may have to postpone that, too. I just don't know about life sometimes . . . ok, all of the time.
Right now I think Marissa will go to Colorado and I'll stay here and I'll try and meet up with her in two years. But I'm a pessimist and was trained to be so starting back in the fall of '86. |
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| The Hermit Sketch |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|03:00 pm] |
I am in a very misanthropic mood today. Just the sight of another person annoys me. Fortunately, these fits have become far less frequent over the years, but I do have moments when I feel that being a hermit might not be so bad. I do want to see Marissa, which is a relief. When I was younger I was concerned that I'd never be able to deal with marriage because I have these moods. I'm happy that some people are exempt from my moodiness. Over the years, these moods have taken a toll on other people, however. There is a reason why I don't have very many friends, particularly friends from high school or earlier. These moods did play a part in driving them away, or for me to drive myself away. Perhaps the weirdest thought that comes to me when I feel like this is that the human experience seems so foreign to me. When I was younger I used to think that the wrong soul, for lack of a better term, was placed in my body; that my soul would have fit much better in some animal or something. Don't worry, I'm not saying that I'm a furry or anything like that, just that the way we behave perplexes me.
I'm finishing up the grading for my lab that meets tomorrow. The students are going to be pissed at me. It was a very short and easy lab, but there weren't any calculations, so they asked me what they should include in their lab reports. I told them some things, but of course not everything. Now that I'm grading the labs, I see that some people only did what I told them to do. So we will see how many people bitch at me for taking points off for things I didn't tell them explicitly that they needed to do (but they would have had to do them in any other lab; I'm not that heartless ... Ok, I am, but I still wouldn't do that). I just know that most people thought this was going to be an easy A and they will be upset when they see that they didn't get that A. |
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| Oh to be Prince Caspian |
[Feb. 17th, 2006|10:53 pm] |
So there isn't any news on the grad school front, for me at least. Marissa was oficially accepted to Colorado and she seems to be really enjoying her trip to Arizona. I sent an e-mail to Colorado informing them that Marissa was accepted, in a subtle attempt to sway my application status, but I haven't heard back from them yet. It might not even matter, the final decision may have already been made. I am so stressed out about all of this. If you didn't know me, you would never guess that I am already in a position to get my PhD. But being with Marissa is that important. Hopefully I'll hear some good news soon or maybe we can use her acceptance (and hopefully one at Arizona) as leverage for me.
Today I was thinking that I'm glad that I'm not a father because I don't think I'm ready to be a dad. This is an odd thought because I've always felt that if I had chosen a different career path (and thus wasn't a poor grad student) that I would be ready to be dad. I really felt that it was just the financial and unmarried situation that prevented me from considering fatherhood right now. However, I think I'm still a bit too selfish with my time right now. Well, at least it's not an issue right now. |
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| Update |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|12:33 am] |
Well, I've been accepted to the Universty of Tennessee. I feel a little better having been accepted somewhere (especially since the turn-around between the time they received my application and sent out the acceptance letter was very short), but Tennessee doesn't really excite me. The physics department is pretty much equal to William and Mary's (since I am switching schools, I might as well try and get into a better program) and, well, Tennessee sounds like a scary place to my Yankee ears.
I must mention that it was the oddest acceptance I've ever received. First, I have had no contact at all with the physics department. I've tried to contact potential advisors at all of the schools I've applied to, but didn't hear anything from Tennessee. The acceptance letter was only from the graduate school. I didn't even get a welcome from the physics department, nevermind a mention about funding (or lack thereof) or who to contact for a visit. It is quite odd. Anyway, I'm not really going to think about it until I hear from other schools and/or Marissa hears from Tennessee. |
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| Grumble, Grumble |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|11:51 am] |
Since I couldn't link my subject line
Hmm, I hadn't realized that it had been so long since I last updated. Maybe that will change, but more likely this will turn out to be an isolated update.
I decided to write this because I've been furiously checking my e-mail and certain websites. The news I am searching for is information about my application status to various grad schools across the nation. Yes, I am currently a doctoral candidate and I am not having any problems with my department or my adviser. However, Marissa will be going off to grad school next year and, since we'd like to live together (and get engaged), I've decided to see if I can change schools to be with her. With each passing day my confidence weakens. I would think that I'd be an attractive candidate given the progress I've already made towards a Ph.D., but I have no idea what the departments will think about my application. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I know that Colorado is already reviewing applications. I've tried not to get my hopes up, but I really do want to go to Colorado. I think Arizona would be cool, too. After that my enthusiasm falls off drastically, and the other schools would really have to impress me on my visit. The worst part of this is that Marissa has already received interview requests from Colorado and Arizona. She deserves to be able to go to one of those great programs and I don't want to be the reason why she has to go to a lesser school, or not go to grad school at all, which I am very much against.
I need to get back to making a few Power Point slides so that I don't get kicked out of the school that I am in. |
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| There's an old man sitting next to me, making love to his tonic and gin |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|11:40 pm] |
I've been feeling pretty blue today. It's nothing serious, just a passing mood. Tonight I went for a walk since those usually make me feel better. I walked by the bars and I had a slight impulse to be there, but it quickly went away. Last year I had that impulse a lot, though almost everytime I went to the bars I didn't have a very good time. I was looking for something there that just didn't exist for me. So it was nice to walk by there tonight and to realize that what I was looking for wasn't there, and that I have what I'm looking for, even if she is temporarily in the Midwest.
I'll be getting a haircut soon, which I desperately need. However, I'm pretty close to being able to have a pretty rockin' mullet. There is a part of me that would like to have a kick ass mullet, just for the fun of it. |
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| It's about that time to bring forth the rythym and the rhyme |
[May. 8th, 2005|01:28 am] |
Yes that subject is from C&C Music Factory and yes I could continue that lyric from memory. I am a sad sad man.
So I guess I should update this thing. The school year is pretty much over, I just have some grading to finish up. In a way, this marks the end of my career as a student. I no longer have to take any more classes, at least for credit. I'm pretty excited about that. I imagine that I'll take a class or two (even Profs sit in on classes occasionally), but knowing that I don't have to deal with homework and tests again is nice. It's also a little scary. Though I did spend some time in the "real world", it is odd to think that I've spent most of my 27 years as a "student" and now it is over. Though I still have about 3 years left before I get my degree, the "school year" no longer has much meaning to me; it's just research from here on out.
This weekend I was able to spend a good amount of time with Marissa. It was wonderful, I've missed spending time with her. About the only thing we did was go to see "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (it was pretty good, not as funny as the book, but not bad), but it was still wonderful to just spend time with her and be close to her again. She has been really stressed out about the end of the year, particularly her Biostats class. She ended up doing well, despite worries that she was going to fail because she didn't get the right answer. I probably would've felt the same way back when I was an undergrad. Our system of education is a bit odd; we spend so long conditioning students to think that they are doing well only if they get everything correct. It wasn't until grad school that I learned to accept the fact that I didn't know everything and that I could still show that I had a good grasp of the concepts that I was taught even though I didn't get nearly every question on the exam/homework correct. I really think that should filter down through undergrad and even high school. Instead of creating tests and homework to see if the students mastered what they've been spoonfed, we should really try and push the students to see if the students can regurgitate everything they've been taught, I think it'd be better to see to what extent they can apply their learning. I think it would help kids focus on learning rather than getting good grades. Eventually I'll post my rant about the piss-poor way the US educational system approaches mathematics in particular, but I'll stop here for tonight.
Anyway, Marissa will be leaving soon. I think that, at first, I'll enjoy the time alone. I'll probably play a lot of video games and veg out watching TV, but I think after a week or two of that I'll start to miss her very much. It will be good practice since, if we stay together, which I hope we do, we will be spending a long time apart while she goes to grad school and I'm still here. She has mentioned that she thinks some good things can come from a long-distance relationship. I don't disagree, but I know that I find a long-distance relationship less satisfying than a close-distance one and would only engage in a long-distance relationship if I knew that eventually the distance would be significantly shortened.
So yeah, that's it for tonight. |
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| When $120,000 isn't enough |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|11:08 pm] |
I keep getting stuff from Colgate in the mail. Most of it is because my five year anniversary is this year. Part of the reason it annoys me is because I hate being reminded that I graduated 5 years ago. The time has passed incredibly quickly and it makes me a little scared. I do try and heed Simon and Garfunkle's advice, but I still wish there were a pause button on life, so it didn't pass by so quickly.
The other issue with my 5 year reunion is that it makes me feel old. I'm not a big believer in the idea that the "media" (whatever that term is supposed to mean) is the predominant force shaping our views and opinions, but I can't help but consider the possibility. The thing that might be more detrimental to my psyche is when I read about famous physicists who had an amazing discovery (in science, not an infomercial) when they were younger than I am now. However, my career as a physicist is a topic to be covered in more detail soon. For now I need to remember that 27 is not old.
Lastly, they need to stop asking me for money. They aren't getting, so they should stop wasting my time and theirs. |
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| It takes two to tango |
[Apr. 23rd, 2005|10:02 pm] |
This past week has been an interesting one. I was pretty successful in taking care of a lot of odds and ends (errand-type stuff) which lifted a small weight from my shoulders. However, I wasn't so successful in dealing with school work and I will be paying for it all of this week, including tomorrow when I must some how find a way to finish my paper on this article. But the most important event of the week was all of Marissa's appointments. Though there are still some issues we are waiting to hear about, it seems like things turned out (relatively) OK. I have been quite impressed with how strong she is. I think she might have dealt with all of this better than I have. I know if I were going through all of this that I would be a wreck. I would have a very hard time concentrating on my work and will just be in a perpetual funk. At least for a little while. Anyway, the point is I am quite impressed with her, as I always am.
We were able to have some fun this week. Last night we went to King and Queen's which is some ball or formal or dance or something like that. I wasn't too sure that I'd enjoy myself, but I ended up having a lot of fun. It had been a long time since I had been dancing (several years) and it showed. I've never been the best dancer, but Marissa had to reprimand me for not dancing with the beat of the song. She was right, I was just kind of bopping around not paying too much attention to the music. It was very crowded and it seemed that we found the heaviest traffic areas to dance in, but it was still very nice. I found it interesting that I had such a huge upwelling of feelings for her while we were at this dance. It was one of those Eureeka type moments; a realization that you see an extremely bright future with this person. You'd almost expect such a moment to occur after a long heart-to-heart or some other event that carries a bit more "gravity", but most times it seems to occur in the little moments.
A great end to the week. |
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| The People's Physicist |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|10:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I play it off legit - Ween | ] |
Today I attended the Phi Beta Kappa lecture, since it was a physics talk. I honestly don't know what the significance of the PBK lecture is, but I figured that since Phi Beta Kappa was started here, that the speaker would be quite good. The speaker was Wojciech H. Zurek and he spoke about the role of probability in quantum mechanics. In fact, the lecture was titled: "Probabilities In Physics: Demons, Randomness, Ignorance, Chance, And The Second Law Of Thermodynamics".
( Physics ramblings ahead ) |
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| So it's come to this . . . |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|12:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Reflective | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jethro Tull - Minstrel in the Gallery | ] |
I don't know what this journal will become, if anything. I remember when my friend Andrew decided to start a journal a few years ago (in the pre-blog days of antiquity). He was quite excited by the whole process, but I didn't think it was for me. There is just something about having my thoughts and feelings recorded that makes me feel uncomfortable. On the few occasions that I have done that, I often feel very dissatisfied with what I had written. My thoughts aren't nearly as profound, insightful and well thought-out as I had thought they were and I'm embarrassed at how silly some of my feelings were. This problem seems to pervade all of my writings. I would like to write someday, not as a career and I might not even seek out publication, but for my own benefit. Yet no matter how pleased I may be with my writing after I first put down my pen, time never seems to be very kind and I return to something quite trite.
So this journal could be an experiment. It could be a reality check. None of us are as brilliant (consistently brilliant, anyway) as we think we are and we are all foolish; there is no need for me to hide these things from myself. |
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